“Enormous interest” in safer sex!

My latest nominee for the Nobel, in lieu of any other sufficently prestigious Practical Genius award: Futura Medical Plc. Yes, once again, it’s Condom News—and this news made me sit up and take notice, as, I’m sure, it will do for a whole lot of men out there.

See, they’ve developed a condom with benefits tailored for the male psyche as well as his physiology. Yes, gentlemen, this condom helps men have “firmer and bigger erections, as well as a longer-lasting sexual experience.” And didn’t you all just sit up and take notice at that?!

Plans are for Durex to market the CSD500 condom—presumably under some much sexier name—beginning next year. In Europe, that is; as yet, no news concerning US market penetration. (If you’ll pardon the phrasing. Or even if you won’t.) And according to their market research, as well as common sense, this thing is going to be big! (Um, that pun wasn’t intended.)

Market research has shown so far that interest in the condom is enormous, Barder said.

"Up to 80 percent of existing condom users would be interested in trying the product and, more importantly, 49 percent of non-condom users would be interested in using it as it will help them maintain an erection," he said.

The above emphasis is mine, but I’m sure you all understand why. Finally, a condom that men who don’t like condoms will still want to use! It’s just...brilliant. Genius. My little sapiosexual heart’s beating overtime just at the thought. Oh, I want to meet the person who thought of this! Meet...for a start.

pxj

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Thin body, fat head

(Been under the weather lately, and feeling rather lumpish. But this got me stirred up!)

The card read “PLEASE DON’T FEED THE FAT PEOPLE”

????!!!!

There’s nothing so offensive as a vociferous convert. Or so completely indefatiguable, more’s the pity. So here’s this man, who was unhappily fat, who’s now thin-and-proselytizing—actually, by the stats, I’d say overly thin and overzealous—and who does he target? Happy “fat” people.

He chose to protest outside the 11^th Annual BBW Network Bash. With that card. Fits with the rest of his message—his organization’s emblem reminds me a lot of the “No Fat Chicks” buttons the guys wore back in high school. Regardless of how one happens to feel about size acceptance versus obesity (and why is that the question, anyway?), there’s something to be said for simple kindness and courtesy!

Apparently, all those words failed to “penetrate his skin.” Personally, I’d like to see if they could be helped along by a sharp object or two. Or sharp blows from a blunt object, even. Or being sat upon by one of my larger friends. Though my grandmother might have the right of it: she’d diagnose his problem as hunger or low blood sugar or grumpiness, and feed him a cookie or three.

Please don’t let the fat-head get your goat; you never know what a man might do with one of them.

pxj

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On View Right Now

Had sort of a mixed week, so here’s a mixed bag of a post—things I’ve seen that made me smile or think or go hmm. Call it a look inside what I use for a mind...which is as much of a warning as you’re going to get. Enjoy!

Everything Old is New Again

Advice from the CDC: Do It In Your Sleeve. (Sneeze, that is.) Of course, no one remembers that the reason men’s jackets have those useless buttons on the cuffs was to prevent this “uncivilized” behavior... Somehow, that thought led me to history and styles of men’s underwear—yes, well, do remember what I write! —where I discovered that here, too, progress is sometimes cyclical.

And, hey, how’s this for a segue? Underwear between the covers: in the old days when people actually read paper books , that paper was made from rags. Not exactly breaking news, nor terribly archaic (I print my vita on linen bond paper when I want to impress someone), but still good for a smile. Especially the comments—man, those science types can snark!

The Light! It Blinds

That had to hurt The phrase “blinding flash of the obvious” comes to mind here: Networks admit that taking the show (Jericho) off the air might have hurt ratings! I thought this made a logical follow-up to old-and-new as these long-arc shows have a fair bit in common with the old radio plays and early television, but that mid-season hiatus is something Grandda et confreres would never, ever have pulled. Nor dear ol’ Boz and his ilk (just to bring things home to print). Ever feel like we’re on a treadmill, or is it just me?

Vocabulary-Building, Anyone?

Best new word I've seen in ages:
sapiosexual. N. One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature.

Now and then, one does need a word Websters et al haven’t gotten around to indexing. This suggestion came with what might as well have been a love poem directed at Your Humble Hermit—

"I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor. I want someone that I can reach out and touch randomly. I want someone I can cuddle with.

I decided all that means that I am sapiosexual."

by Mr M. Ister May 26, 2004

Now tell me that isn’t perfect?! And, oh, "Reach Out and Touch Someone." Speaking of segues...but that can wait. Hope your weekends—and your lives generally—are filled with peace and x-rated joy

pxj

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A bonus link so that the DVD-watchers won’t miss it—

Wish fulfillment as advertising! Because everyone has that memory, of some parental unit dragging out some embarrassing family memory...

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Don’t know about you, but that wouldn’t be good for me...

And you thought “every flavor” beans were bad! How ’bout condoms flavored like rotten Limburger and burnt sugar? Read on...

I’ve been accused of having rather a greater interest in condoms than is quite normal. Might be true—normal’s never been my goal in life. But I swear, I was not seeking condom info today. It’s just that my RSS feeds offered an article on a San Diego building that simply begged to be the spur for a host of bad jokes.

And it reminded me of this photo, that I’d seen online but apparently neither saved nor bookmarked—hey, who knew I’d ever need the thing? Besides, I knew it’d be out there somewhere. So I sent my search-bots out into the aether.

My first search for that photo turned up an archived news-byte (photo not stored); I got to this part—

[Picture] - SAFE FLAVOUR: A businessman giggles after a model hands him a free durian-flavoured condom in Bangkok yesterday, World Aids day. Condom maker Suretex said it would distribute 100,000 of them to create more awareness about Aids prevension and of course, to boost business.

—and I squicked. Durian?

If you don’t know durian, consider yourself lucky. This theoretically edible “thorny fruit” has such a strong aroma that it’s banned from airports in some countries, and taxi drivers will refuse to accept passengers who are carrying or have recently come into contact with the things. I’m told that they’re an acquired taste, but you’ll have to take that on faith; it’s not a taste I’m ever going to acquire.

Not even in the interest of safer sex.

One of the less biased descriptions of the fruit says:

“The durian, although malodorous, has an aril (an extra seedcovering) that tastes like a combination of banana, caramel, and vanilla, with a slight onion tang.”

Yummy—not! And I thought the banana-flavored condoms were in poor taste!

Okay, fine, I’ll shut up, go write or something.

Peace and (safe) x-rated joy,

pxj

Bonus condom news:

Did you know there’s a company making “the world’s first touch-free male condom”? I know that sounds silly, but for some segments of the population, there’s actually some health benefit possible. 1) Harder to put it on wrong. 2) If your hands aren’t clean...

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Screamingly Funny...Fruit?

The tag line read “Who Knew Fruit Could Scream?” and I was caught.

Way back in a former life (that is, before I became a hermit) my job required that I follow advertising. Though it's no longer all that much of my life beyond the occasional inevitable bit of self-promotion, now and again I see an ad worth comment. Like

Sliced: the Movie.

It tickled my funny bone. More than that, it earned itself a place in my memory.

Ads are judged successful only if they influence customers to purchase, to look for, to remember the product/brand name, or at least to think better of the product than they would have before—so a lot of ads have to be called failures despite their undeniable energy and a certain creativity. (Yes, Spritzy, I mean you!)

This, on the other hand, I'd say has to be at least a qualified success. Not that I'd drink strawberry-orange-banana hard lemonade if the alternative was some other sort of physical torture , but I was interested enough to seek out the list of other varieties—hint: click the bottle—and I will be looking for this stuff, next time I'm anywhere it might be sold.

I'll be looking for more work from this agency, too, regardless of the product. Hmm. Wonder if they do book ads? I don't like book trailers, as a general rule—the good ones impose defined visuals on my reading experience, and the bad ones just annoy me—but, man, a book-trailer like this, I might.

Fade in: a multi-line telephone, message light malevolently blinking...

Voiceover: Will she Reach Out and Touch Someone before it's TOO LATE?

Um, yeah. Then again, maybe not.

As always, wishing you

peace and x-rated joy,

pxj

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Loaning Across the Digital Divide?

One of the loops I belong to is talking about libraries right now—specifically, libraries and electronic books. I feel qualified to comment (not that any lack would stop me when I’m in the mood to speak) since I spend a fair amount of time in libraries. In fact, I’m posting this from one! And here’s my considered opinion:

My local public library system is actively hostile to e-books.

Sound paranoid? Well, I might be, but in this case, I’m also correct.

The Austin library system does offer NetLibrary, but most of the Austin eContent catalog is the same list of titles that you can get directly from Project Gutenberg. The others are literary analyses and small-press literary works, largely poetry and non-fiction with the odd regional story scattered here and there.

Okay, I know, that doesn’t sound too bad; Project Gutenberg includes a great many readable texts, and some people like poetry about chaparrals and high winds on lonesome plains. But even if you find an e-book you’d like to read from that sadly lacking list, the default option is online-only. You can check a book out and download it, assuming the library has the appropriate license for downloading, only if you have an account. That’s free to card holders, but it’s a separate step—even if you have an account with the library’s electronic portal. (Why can’t I just use that?) Downloading the PDF may also require activating a separate instance of Adobe Reader, but after that, you can read the thing. Until your borrow-term expires, or you finish it. You must also check the text back in, which involves more steps than a physical return would, and there doesn’t seem to be any way to renew without checking it in and back out again, or at least, not one I’ve found.

Oh, and it’s Adobe Reader only, no other formats, with the initial download only to a computer, though you can then transfer to a PDA or whatever. Ack! All that, for things I can either get elsewhere and own for no charge and with less work, or don’t want in the first place?

I know, some of you are muttering about evil and stupidity. Maybe they just didn’t think things through? But I’m not finished yet. It’s not just that the e-book section looks like it was populated by someone trying to discourage readers from trying e-. It’s more than that.

I don’t know if any of you’ve ever heard of Mark Y. Herring. Certainly it’s not a household name! I wouldn’t have known it myself except for a poster I saw in the library. (The Northwest branch of the Austin Public Library system, the first and only time I was ever in that particular branch!) The poster was headed

10 REASONS WHY THE INTERNET IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR A LIBRARY

And it’s apparently based on one or more articles he’s written. A quick search turned up this one. I was so annoyed by the poster-version that I actually wrote down the high-points from that numbered list; the article isn’t identically phrased, but covers the same points, so in either version, # 6 and #10 raised my blood pressure a few points—

6. Hey, Bud, What About E-books?!

Reading on any e-reader is a chore. The technology will doubtless improve but it's still more than a generation away.

10. The Internet is Ubiquitous but Books Are Portable.

Try curling up by the fire with a laptop, or stopping by the woods on a snowy evening with a handheld. The future may bring this, but for now the vast majority of readers-- even online readers--want books.

Yes, folks, this is the message my local library system disseminates. In their catalog, in their sponsored talks, on their bulletin boards and lectures, and on their walls, they’ve chosen their message: e-books aren’t books, to them.

Hostile, like I said. And this in Austin, which is trying to become the most wireless wired city in the US! Maybe I’ll ask them to order something I know is only available in e- But then, I’d have librarians actively hostile toward me. And you know what they say about librarians...

pxj

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Finding Sanctuary

Vanished again, I know. Sorry. No, I wasn’t hermitting—as some of you may know, I’m a freelance technical writer, and the latest gig involved many too many onsite hours. Lovely wifi they had there, but monitored. Yes, I know that still leaves the off-hours, but...I really wasn’t hermitting. Call it inspiration for future stories.

Tonight’s the first time in a while I’ve had some free time to just play online. So what did I do with it? Among other things, checked out Sanctuary.

What? I was curious! And it’s summer, season of popcorn flicks and bad faux-reality TV. Not to say I can’t live without television, or movies either, but...sometimes, I’d really a decent SF-nal something, y’know? And more than that, I’m always interested in new market models!

Not just in broadcast, of course; e-books, anyone?

So, Sanctuary. Direct-to-web short episodes. Monsters and gothic architecture and pretty people. Monsters! No ads. Did I mention monsters? I had to look. And after having seen the first two webisodes, I’d say Sanctuary seems like it has a chance. It’s visually stunning; they’re building on an established fan-base, what with all the ex-Stargate folks involved; SF fans are traditionally more open to innovative distribution models; and they’ve got the “social networking” thing going in overdrive. Want to know how effective that last is? Hey, I heard about it! And I’m a hermit.

Traditional broadcast television counts on word-of-mouth, too, but lately, networks don’t seem to feel they can afford to wait for that word to spread. Firefly is my favorite example: a show Fox didn’t keep around for an entire season, that had—that still has—a fan-base so strong it supports conventions and comic books and even a profitable movie. But the ultimate Space Western’s certainly not the only show nets cancel before they should: Jericho, canceled in May of this year, has just been resurrected for a short next season, as of yesterday, after a massive fan action. (I still want to know who thought up the nuts!) Seven more episodes, contingent upon yet more fan activity, with the dangled hope of more still. But if fans want the show to continue, says the network statement: "It [Jericho] needs to grow on the CBS Television Network, as well as on the many digital platforms where we make the show available."

Hmm. Viewer to CBS: I watched the show, I told people about the show, you canceled the show. I and my cohorts made a loud enough noise that you decided to bring it back, and now you want me to tell even more people, trusting that you won’t just pull the rug out from under us all again? You don’t know me very well, do you?

These days, a lot of shows find their best profits not in ad-supported broadcast, but in DVD sales, which don’t require a broadcast network’s fickle faith after the fans have found a show. Some items are now going straight to DVD, without even a stopover on the network circuit. New episodes of Babylon Five are due out soon! How long has that show been off the air? Straight-to-web isn’t all that unlikely, given the rise in broadband coverage and increasing customer willingness to pay for television programming. As with DVD sales, if you purchase the product, it’s yours, so you’re free of network schedules; no ads, so you’re free of those, too. And, hey, if you purchase a bundle, you know you’ll have all its contents! Much better than broadcast, these days.

Still... Am I—me, myself—willing to purchase episodes, to exchange actual cash for them? Well, why not? That’s all a DVD is, really. If you divide the cost of a DVD by the number of episodes... Hmm. Sanctuary’s an expensive proposition, by that scale, but not outside the bounds of possibility. I have to admit, I think part of the appeal, for me, is this idea of bypassing the networks. For the producer, it’s a way around a very limited distribution channel; for the customer, a real way to express a preference. Vote with your wallet! For me, it’s a way to thumb my nose at the folks who keep buying Tim Minear shows and then yanking them off the air again! With Sanctuary, I can buy the episodes just the way I’d buy e-books or songs. (And so can anyone else, naturally.) That’s a really, really nice idea.

And a gamble, counting on fans to shell out money instead of going the ad-supported route, but...I think it’s going to work. I hope it’s going to work. I might even defrost my very own credit card and shell out for a season. Or more. Not that I think it’s the best show ever or anything (that’d be something by Whedon), and I’m not sure the writers have really perfected that short-segment writing yet, going from forty-some-odd-minute episodes to fifteen, but it’s still pretty cool.

Don’t take my word for it, please! Low-res versions of the first four eps are (well, the first two are, and two more will be) available for viewing without charge; there’s a list at sanctuaryfans. Or go straight for the purchase option. Hey, four episodes cost about the same as an e-book...

pxj

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